


the corners of your heart

by tourmalinex



Series: tour's souyo week 2016 [6]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M, Oh My God, Questioning Sexuality, Rejection, repairing relationship, someone save me from sad souyo hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tourmalinex/pseuds/tourmalinex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Investigation Team decides to meet up for the holidays. As they reunite, the team discovers that even the strongest bonds can be—and have been—damaged. But what does it take to repair something in ruins?</p><p>[ Day 6: Holiday/Clothes Swap ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. all the world is broken // december 18

The Dojima household was relatively quiet. His uncle planned to stay in the city for a seminar and while Nanako greeted him warmly, she needed to continue studying for the last of her finals. After setting his luggage in his room, Yu pulled out his cell phone and looked at the group chat. Everyone was supposed to meet up at Aiya for dinner and maybe a few drinks to celebrate the end of the year and their settlement into adulthood. Since Yu's train got in late, he told them that he would arrive towards the end of planned time. The thought of having drinks with his friends was both entertaining and worrisome. If Teddie, Yukiko and Rise could get drunk off of the _atmosphere_ , how would they be with alcohol? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Just as he was about to text the group chat, a call was coming in from Chie. Yu picked up the call and gave a calm, “Hello?”

“Thank _God_ you picked up,” Chie said, sounding desperate. Yu could pick up some background noise. Did an argument break out? “Please tell me you're nearby. We kinda have a… situation.”

“I just got here. A situation?” Yu's eyebrows furrowed. “Is it Culture Fest bad, or King's Game bad?”

“We're approaching King's Game levels of bad!” Chie sighed. “And you're not going to believe it. Getting more drinks was all Yosuke's idea.”

“… huh.” 

“You would think that he wouldn't want to relive _that_. But I think with you here, everyone'll settle down.” 

“Alright. I'll be there in a few minutes.”

As Yu hung up, his hands trembled and his breathing became shallow. He managed to walk out of the house anyhow, making his way over to Aiya despite his racing heart and twisting stomach. Before entering the restaurant, Yu could already hear the drunken fits. How was it that their group wasn't thrown out yet? He stepped into Aiya, immediately hit by the smell of delicious food and a hint of booze. It wasn't hard to find everyone else—they were the loudest party sitting in the back. Chie waved over to him.

“How've you been?” she asked as Yu sat down at their table. 

“I've been well,” Yu said. He raised an eyebrow as he scanned the table, curious as to how it ended up this way. Rise, Yukiko and Teddie hadn't even registered his presence. They were laughing away—probably at another bear pun Teddie made. But at least they were awake. Yosuke, on the other hand, had his face planted on the table, fast asleep.

“I'm sorry you had to come to this,” Naoto said, shaking her head. “I wish those four wouldn't be so indulgent.”

“Well, as Yosuke put it,” Kanji began, pushing his hair back with his fingers. “You only live once, right?”

“Yeah, but look at him now,” Chie complained. “He's asleep and someone's probably gonna have to carry him home.”

Before Yu could ask anymore about the situation at hand, Teddie's eyes shined at the sight of Yu's face. “Sensei! Wel— _hic!_ … Welcome back!” Teddie said, giggling.

“Senpai! Don't go any sneak up on us like that! Here, have a drink with us!” Rise placed an open, but seemingly untouched bottle of room temperature beer. How long was she holding onto that one?

“N-No thanks, I'm good,” Yu said. “I think I'll just get something to eat.”

“Oh don't be like that!” Yukiko said, slapping the table. Seeing Yu's bewildered expression only made Yukiko burst out in laughter.

“Q-Quiet, Yukiko!” Chie said, hush-whispering. “We're gonna get kicked out at this rate!”

Kanji rubbed his temples slowly and sighed. “So anything new, senpai?”

“Just family stuff.” Yu looked down at the bottle of beer. Maybe a bottle wouldn't hurt. “Since I'm almost done with my required courses, my parents are pulling some strings. I'll be working full-time soon.”

“I think I remember you mentioning something like that last year,” Chie mused. “Your dad's family runs a hospital, right?”

“Yes. I'll probably be working in the office, though.” Yu brought the bottle to his lips, taking a few sips of beer. “What about you guys?”

“The shop's doin' well, and with more kids, more classes.” Kanji gave Yu a soft smile. “This past week, I helped the kids make small reindeer.”

“They're soooooo cute!” Rise said. “He gave me one and it even has a red nose!”

“Whaaat?” Teddie cried. “I want a reindeer!”

“I already made you a Santa version of yourself,” Kanji said with a groan. “And it's been busy. You'll have to wait until next week.”

Teddie pouted as Chie rolled her eyes, smiling. “Teddie, just how many stuffed animals do you plan on having?”

“As long as they fit in the futon with me, it'll be okay!” he declared before leaning back in his chair and falling asleep. Yukiko let out a heart laugh before following suit, earning a shared laughter from the sober half of the group.

“Everyone's such a mess!” Chie said through her teeth, exasperated.

“I knew our group was filled with fools,” Naoto said, smiling. “I don't think that's something we can outgrow, even with all the years that passed.”

Yu took another few sips, finishing half the bottle. A warmth spread to his cheeks as Aika came by to take his order. His voice grew more quiet than usual, but Yu managed to place his order and went back to drinking his beer. 

“Hey, you okay senpai?” Kanji asked. “Are you a light-weight?”

“Yeah,” Yu murmured. “I won't pass out like them, though. I'll just be embarrassing and talk more than usual.”

“You could never be embarrassing, senpai!” Rise said as she nuzzled her face against Yukiko's shoulder and closed her eyes. “You're too cool…”

“Well, looks like we're gonna have to carry them home,” Chie said as she shook her head. 

“We should get them some water. It's going to be rough for them tomorrow morning.” Naoto waved over at Aika. “Can we get five glasses of water?”

Aika nodded from behind the counter. “I'll bring it out with senpai's order.”

“Hey, do you think you guys can help me out?” Yu asked, his bottle empty. He noticed a few other untouched bottles of beer and helped himself to another drink, gulping down more than half of it.

“Just name it, senpai,” Kanji said. “What do you need?”

Yu dug his hand in his pocket, struggling to get out his phone. Once he managed, Yu went through his pictures. His chest tightened when he found the right one—a picture of himself and a young woman his age. Yu was wearing his ordinary charcoal suit and black tie. She, on the other hand, wore a peach colored dress with a white button-up cardigan, her dark brown hair was braided to the side. She held her matching white hat in front of her and smiled—they both did. Yu turned his phone to his friends.

“She's my parents' friend's daughter,” Yu explained. “Her name is Fukuda Akari. We're… going out. My—I mean _our_ —parents want us to get married. I'm planning on buying a ring.”

When he looked at his friends, he could easily see the shock on their faces. It was silent as Aika came by Yu's food and water. But Chie managed to be the first to speak. 

“D-Do you want to get married?” she asked, looking down. 

Yu nodded. “I could have rejected my parents' plans from the beginning if I really didn't want to. We've gotten really close in a year, so I was thinking about proposing when I go back.” He finished his second bottle of beer. “I'm sorry I didn't talk about her sooner. I didn't know how to bring her up…”

“That explains why you've been so busy,” Naoto said. “So what are we to help you with?”

“Yeah, I mean, she's cute. You're good lookin' yourself and you're a great person,” Kanji said, staring intently at the picture. “I didn't think you needed any help, man.”

“Well, it's a matter of finding the right ring,” Yu said as he started to eat. “Her sister gave me her ring size, but I don't know how to pick this stuff out.”

“Of course we'll help out,” Chie said with a weak smile. “I don't know if I'm good at this kind of stuff, but I think have these two tag along with us is gonna help.”

“Thank you.” Yu looked over at the passed out half of the group. “I'll tell them tomorrow about it. They should probably get some rest if they drank so much.”

“Good idea.” Naoto nodded. “Who knows how they'll react in this state.”

As Yu continued to eat, he couldn't help but notice Chie keeping her eyes on him. Was there something bothering her? Did he say anything to make her upset? Maybe Chie was just lost in thought—after all, this came out of nowhere to them. But every time Yu looked up at Chie, she would either turn away or stop herself from saying something.

“We should wake these guys up,” Kanji said, as he got up to shake Teddie's shoulder. “C'mon Ted, rise and shine.”

Teddie breathing shifted as his shoulders twitched, his eyes opening slowly. Chie shook Yukiko and Rise, bringing them out of their inebriated sleep. Once they came to, Chie turned to wake up Yosuke. Yu almost felt bad to wake his friends, seeing as they had a good time. But unlike the other three, Yosuke seemed to be more disappointed and grumpy. 

“W-What the hell,” Yosuke groaned, bringing his hand to his forehead. “What time is it?”

“Does it even matter anymore?” Rise said, rubbing her forehead. 

“Here, we got you guys water,” Naoto said, moving the glasses closer to them.

“I'm sorry we all fell asleep, Yu,” Yukiko said, grabbing a glass. “So much for catching up.”

“What were in those drinks?” Yosuke complained. Chie shook her head.

“Well, _someone_ decided to do multiple shots of sake and down two beers,” she said, sighing. “Then these three _had_ to start drinking the beers you bought them.”

“O-Oh. Sorry.” Yosuke's face flushed. As he turned to Yu, his expression went from dazed to hesitation. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twisted, as if annoyed. Yu sunk back in his seat, half-heartedly grabbing another bottle. 

“Senpai, maybe you should tell 'em?” Kanji asked, lightly elbowing Yu's side. “They seem pretty awake now.”

“Huh? You have something to tell us?” Rise asked, flashing an excited smile.

“Y-Yeah,” Yu said, taking a sip. His face was practically burning and it was getting warmer by the second. He passed his phone to Rise. “I'm planning on proposing to the girl in that picture.”

“Oh. My. God,” Rise's eyes widened as she stared at the picture. “So this is the lucky girl? She's… _cute._ ”

“Sensei! You're getting married?!” Teddie shouted. “Can I be the ring _bear_ -er?”

Yukiko giggled, but did her best to compose herself. “Good luck, Yu. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

“I haven't asked yet, but I need help with getting a ring,” Yu mumbled. 

“It should definitely be a girls thing, don't you think?” Rise chimed. “Us girls should be the one to help you out, senpai.”

“That makes sense, I guess,” Teddie said. “I'll trust you to help sensei to pick the cutest ring!”

“We'll do our best,” Yukiko said. “Did you want to try tomorrow? We could go to Okina City.”

“You guys have fun,” Kanji said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Send me pictures if you guys are stuck.”

“Will do.” Naoto got up from her seat. “If everyone's ready, we can pay and rest up for tomorrow. I think some of us had… a lot of fun tonight.”

“Agreed!” Rise said. “My head is starting to hurt a little. I need to be in top form to help you, senpai.”

As the group gathered their belongings and made their way out, Yu looked over at Yosuke. There was so much on his mind that was muddied by drinks and he couldn't find the right words. Yu could have said something like, “How were your finals?” or “It's been a while,” but a tightness in chest kept him for speaking. He waved at his friends, parting ways and walking back to the Dojima Residence. By the time he got home, Nanako was fast asleep. 

Yu sat down on his couch, staring down at the picture of himself and Akari. He could honestly and somewhat proudly say that he was happy the day the picture was taken. There was no doubt that they were on good terms and were comfortable around each other. Hell, they even had nicknames for each other—“Fuu-chan” and “Naru-kun,” respectively. 

Another call from Chie interrupted his throughts. Confused, he picked up the call.

“Hey, I just walked Yukiko and Rise home,” Chie said, sounding tired. “I… have something I want to talk to you about. Can I come over really quick?”

“Oh… sure,” Yu said. “I'll wait for you outside.”

“Okay! See you in a bit!”

As she hung up, Yu wondered what she wanted to talk about this late. More importantly, how urgent was it that Chie couldn't wait until tomorrow? He went downstairs, opening the front door, seeing Chie in the distance rushing towards him.

“Sorry about this, Yu,” she said once she got to the front of the house. “But I couldn't leave it alone.”

“Leave what alone?” Yu asked, puzzled. 

“I… I _know_.” Chie took a few deep breaths. “I mean… I just wanted to make sure that you wanted to get married. I noticed… I noticed that you and Yosuke weren't talking.”

Yu tensed up, his legs unable to move. He turned his head away. “It's nothing. He was drunk, so he wasn't his usual self.”

“It's about what happened before you left, doesn't it,” Chie asked quietly, looking down at her boots. “I was passing by and I heard him… I heard you.”

His hands trembled and his eyes started to water. No, no, no. Not again. Not this again. He was past this and it shouldn't bother him.

“So please… tell me now,” Chie said more confidently. “Do you want to get married to get over him?”

“No,” Yu said, his tone neutral. “I'm going to ask her because I love her.”

“Are you _sure_?” She took in a deep breath. “I just want to make sure you're doing this because you want to.”

Yu did his best to give her a smile. So this is probably why she seemed so bothered at Aiya. He placed a hand on Chie's shoulder for reassurance. “I want to, Chie. As for Yosuke… well, I'll talk to you about it later. I'm getting tired.” He felt his smile falter, his lips quivering. 

“Okay… sleep well.” Chie backed up and walked away, hands in her pocket. 

Yu waved goodbye and waited until he could no longer see her. He rushed back inside, locked the door and went straight to his room. After settling into his futon, Yu allowed the pent-up emotions go. His eyes stung from the welling tears and he cried—nearly _screamed_ —into his pillow. He craved for the past, his high school days where he and Yosuke could confide in each other. He craved for the shoulder Yosuke lent when they thought Nanako had died. He craved to be close. Yu would give anything to be able to look at Yosuke without feeling hurt or afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Holy crap—I'm frickin' finally almost done with the souyo week prompts. I really need to stop coming up with sad stuff. God knows how long this is going to last. The previous [8-chapter fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7263154/chapters/16491004) I wrote was originally going to be only 3 chapters. I didn't think this first chapter was gonna be so long, and yet here we are. Just as before, I'm gonna do everything I can to finish this even if it hurts my lil' souyo heart. This one's gonna be pretty sad, you guys. 
> 
> So this fic takes place somewhere around the end of the college years (specially, somewhere in December because I miss winter) and deviates from canon so P4 Arena and DAN didn't happen. I don't know why I thought of this but listening to Congratulations by Blue October and December Baby by Ingrid Michaelson sure helped. I'm currently conflicted on whether or not to have a happy ending (though, I'm leaning a bit more towards happy than sad). Oh! The titled of the fic comes from "Corner of Your Heart" by Ingrid Michaelson and the chapter titled comes from "Atlantic" by Keane.
> 
> I hope this was okay and I'll see y'all next time!


	2. drive you away // december 19

The morning wasn't as kind to Yu as he had hoped. He woke up to a pounding head and his eyelids were heavy. After splashing cold water on his face and changing in a fresh set of clothes, Yu made his way down to the kitchen. Nanako had already left for school, but Yu noticed a note on the table. 

_**Good morning, big bro!** _

__**There's some soup on the stove.  
** After dad drinks, he says this makes him feel better.  
Drink lots of water! And don't eat dinner—I'm cooking tonight!  
I'll see you when I get home. 

_**— Nanako** _

Yu was comforted by how thoughtful Nanako was. He heated up the soup and ate while checking the weather. Supposedly, there was going to be heavy snow later tonight, but the weather should be just cloudy until then. Yu stared down at his bowl of soup, still feeling uneasy from yesterday. He wanted so badly to chalk it up as a side affect of drinking, but he was aware that there was too many things playing back in his head. Yu took out his phone, going through all the pictures he had of himself and Akari. Calling her had crossed his mind, but it would be burdensome to both of them. 

Instead, he texted the girls, asking for a time to meet up. Chie and Naoto were the first to reply, which made sense, considering that they were the most sober. With Rise and Yukiko presumably asleep, Yu wondered if it would be better to leave them behind or wait for them to be ready. But given that Rise seemed to be excited to go and Yukiko offered to go today, Yu decided that waiting for them would be best. He probably would never hear the end of it from Rise and it might be one of the few days Yukiko could leave the inn. After texting Chie and Naoto the plan—waiting another hour for Rise and Yukiko—Yu's thumb hovered over Chie's number before finally pressing the dial button.

“Hey!” Chie said. “I was thinking of going to Yukiko's house later to help her get ready.”

“Okay,” Yu replied. He took in a deep breath. “Do you think you could come over here? I think I'm ready to talk.”

“Oh.” Chie sounded surprised. “Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Chie.”

“No problem! See you soon!”

After hanging up, Yu washed his bowl and cup, his mind elsewhere. He was still conflicted. Chie had caught him off guard but at the same time, he was glad that someone noticed. Naoto probably noticed it too, but didn't want to ruin what would be a good night. In general, Yu had grown a little distant from his friends, but tried to keep in contact. His texts and calls were sporadic due to studies and spending time with his family and Akari. By the end of the day, Yu would be exhausted from all the socializing and studying that he just wanted to sleep. When he _did_ get the chance to talk to his friends, they understood and even last night, surprisingly they didn't seem upset. 

The doorbell had interrupted his thoughts. He quickly dried his hands and rushed to open the front door. Chie smiled at him gently and followed him inside. She took off her coat and boots, shivering slightly.

“Oh, _man_ is it cold out there!” she said, rubbing her hands together. 

“Do you want some tea?” Yu asked, gesturing for her to sit down at the table.

“No, I'm okay.” Chie sat down and Yu sat across from her. “How about you? Are you okay?”

“I wish I could say 'yes.'” Yu smiled weakly. “But I wanted to clear some things up.”

“Well, I'm all ears.” Chie leaned forward, giving Yu her undivided attention.

“You said you heard me and Yosuke, right?” Yu looked down. “Were you talking about before I left for the city?”

Chie nodded. “I was passing by. You know me—I usually train at Samegawa. I hid because it looked like you two were having a serious conversation, until…”

“Yeah…” 

Yu tried to find more to say, but the memory of that day rushed to him. It was sunny without a single cloud in the sky. He and Yosuke often spent time together at the riverbank—it was their place away from everyone else. Yosuek was unknowing when Yu had asked him to walk with him. 

“So, did you want to talk about something, partner?” Yosuke asked.

“Well, yeah...” Yu was shifting around more than usual and didn't know how to express what he felt. “You know your my best friend, right?”

“Of course I do,” Yosuke said rather proudly. “You're my best friend, too.”

“There's something I've been keeping from you.” Yu gulped. “I'm just letting you know that I'm not expecting anything from you.”

Yosuke cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean? I'll be here, even if it's something bad.”

**_“Even if it's something bad.”_ **

“Yosuke, I'm completely serious about this.” Yu looked Yosuke in the eye, seeing only confusion in his best friend. “I… I think I _like_ you.”

The lack of response pierced through Yu's chest. Yosuke seemed lost and a look of despair flashed across his face. Oh, no. _I shouldn't have said anything._ The thought kept replaying in his mind. He had to salvage what he could. “Sorry… it was just a joke.”

“… p-pff… h-hahaha!” Yosuke let out a laugh, an honest to god laugh. Yu closed his eyes, trying to keep composure. 

_Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep—_

“If you're joking, you need to show it,” Yosuke said. “You're so deadpan sometimes. It's hard to tell if you're joking or not.”

“I guess you're right,” Yu said, defeated and at a loss.

“Don't scare me like that!” Yosuke elbowed Yu's side. 

“Sorry. I guess it was a bad joke…”

Just remembering _hurt_. There he was, baring his soul to his best friend only to take it back and be laughed at. Part of him wondered what he was expecting. After all, the person he liked was _Yosuke_ , someone who wasn't too keen on the idea of guys liking guys. Yu did his best to call out Yosuke on his comments towards Kanji, especially as everyone had gotten closer as a group. Maybe it was hopeless.

“I… I wanted to punch him so hard, Yu” Chie said, her hands balling into fists. Her voice began to waiver. “I w-wanted to yell at him for you, b-but I couldn't bring myself to. I… I'm sorry for being such a bad friend.”

“I was hoping no one else would find out.” Yu looked up at Chie. “Did you tell anyone?”

“N-No… I wouldn't even know how to tell anyone.” Tears were streaming down her face. “I-I… when we were seeing you off at the train station, I had to hold back from kicking him in front of everyone.”

“You asked me yesterday if I wanted to get married to get over him.” Yu sighed. “I… I think I might still have feelings for him, Chie.”

“Then _why_?” Chie croaked, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Why ask that girl to get married? It's not right Yu! You have to consider her feelings in this otherwise you'll have an empty relationship.”

“… she's like me, Chie.” Yu's shoulders dropped as he leaned back in his seat. 

Chie's eyes widened. “You mean… she likes girls?” 

“Yeah.” Yu gave Chie a half-smile. “We talked about it, y'know. I _do_ love and care about her, just not in that way. She said that even if I don't love her, and she doesn't love me either, it would still be fine to get married. At least we wouldn't be alone. We're… comfortable with each other. I feel safe with her and we both have someone that understands.”

“That makes three of us,” Chie said, her voice getting quiet.

“I know, Chie,” Yu said softly. “I see it when you look at her.”

“I don't plan on ever telling Yukiko,” Chie sighed. “I'll take it to the grave.”

“I should have done the same, but it's too late for that.” Yu mused. “If he had just rejected me, I would have been fine. But sometimes, I still hear him laughing.”

Chie got up from her seat and walked behind Yu. She hugged him from the side and patted his head softly. “You look like you need it from someone who understands.”

“Thank you, Chie.” Yu felt the tears welling in his eyes again. “There's more to it than that, but I think this is enough for today.”

“If you need me to kick him, just say the word,” Chie said, smiling as she pulled away. “I've gotten a lot stronger, thanks to all my training. And I'm sure that if the others knew, they'd be on his ass, too—not that I'm going to tell them if you don't want me to.”

“I appreciate it, I really do,” Yu said, wiping his eyes. 

“Why'd you fall for such a jackass anyways?”

Yu looked down at the floor. Why _did_ he love Yosuke? Given that Yosuke was a massive jerk and said a lot of insensitive and mean things, what parts of him did Yu like?

“Sometimes, I ask myself that.” Yu laughed bitterly. “Maybe I'm an idiot, or I was just too lonely and wanted to grab hold of anyone.”

Chie shook her head. “Whatever it was that made you like him, I'm sure it was a good reason. You knew him better than any of us.”

“I suppose. Not that we're close anymore…” Yu rubbed the back of his neck. “We haven't talked to each other—like really talk to each other—in _two years_ , Chie. It's all superficial.”

Her face saddened, but Chie managed to smile through it. “He doesn't know what he's missing. You're a great catch, Yu.”

_____

As they walked around Okina City, Rise repeatedly rubbed her temples. Yukiko had a stern look on her face, as if she was trying to ignore her pounding headache. Naoto could only chuckle at the sight of her friends dealing with the consequences of last night. Luckily, she came prepared and gave them both medicine for their headaches. Chie could only sigh at this. Naoto was right, those two should have more self control when it came to stuff like this.

“So, Yu,” Yukiko began. “What kind of person is Fukuda-san?”

“Yeah,” Rise said, seconding the question. “I'd like to know a bit more the girl that's taking you away, senpai!”

Yu laughed. “I'll still be around, Rise. As for Akari… she's thoughtful.”

“Maybe you could tell us more?” Naoto said. “We might get a better idea of what ring would suit her.”

“Sure,” Yu said, looking up at the sky. “She takes others into consideration, though she can be really sarcastic—it's actually kind of funny.” He looked back down, then at his friends' faces. “She gets upset and flustered pretty easily. She also gets loud and ends up apologizing a lot. But her heart is always in the right place.”

“Huh,” Rise said. “I always thought you'd go for a more reserved girl for some reason—if you didn't fall for me, that is.”

“Well, that's just how it is, Rise,” Yu said, unfazed. “But once things settle down, I can bring her here next time.”

“It'd be nice to meet her,” Yukiko said, smiling. “We can show her around. Maybe we can all be friends.”

“That would be nice,” Naoto said, nodding. “How do you plan on proposing?”

“I was thinking about taking her out to dinner,” Yu said, unsure. “But she's also the kind of person that enjoys being at home. So maybe I could cook for her.”

“If you need anything, feel free to ask.” Yukiko put a hand on Yu's shoulder. “I'm sure we can all help you out in some way.”

“Yeah, don't be afraid to ask,” Chie said. 

“Okay. Let's start with the ring first, and we can go from there.”

_____

Kanji received a text from Yosuke to meet up at the riverbank. With all the texts coming in from everyone else, he was finding it hard to keep up with what was going on. First Yu was preparing for a proposal, then Naoto brought up the awkwardness between Yu and Yosuke. Now Yosuke wanted to have a “man-to-man” talk. By the time he got to Samegawa, Yosuke was sitting down on the snow-covered grass with his apron clutched in his hand. Did he just come from work?

_Poor guy looks exhausted._

“Hey, senpai.” Kanji said, sitting down next to Yosuke. “You okay?”

“No, I'm not fucking okay,” Yosuke grumbled. Was he crying?

“So what's this whole 'man-to-man' talk?” Kanji asked, eyebrows furrowed. “To be honest, I'm kinda worried.”

“I… I fucked up. I fucked so bad…” Yosuke's fists tightened as some tears trailed down his face.

“H-Hey… settle down, senpai.” Kanji pulled out a napkin from his pocket and handed it to Yosuke.

“I can't!” Yosuke grabbed the napkin and wiped his face. “He's getting _married_ for god's sake.”

“Wait… why is _that_ botherin' you?” What the hell was going on? 

Yosuke pulled his knees to his chin and rested his head. “Can you keep a secret, Kanji?”

“Yeah, I swear,” Kanji said, making a crossing gesture over his heart. “But you gotta explain everything because I'm really, really confused.”

“For starters, I'm a complete asshole and I'm stupid,” Yosuke muttered. “And I'm just a horrible person.”

“C'mon, you're not that bad, senpai.” Kanji rubbed the back of his neck. “You say some crap, but you're a good guy.”

Yosuke only shook his head and stared at the river. “I'm terrible. And… I should probably start from the beginning huh?”

“Alright. Just calm down and talk.” Kanji sighed. “I'm listenin'.”

Even after taking several deep breaths, Yosuke was still, very clearly, shaken and couldn't stop trembling. “Before Yu left Inaba, he told me that he liked me. He said it was all a joke, so I laughed it off. Remember when I went to the city to visit my uncle? Yu and I agreed to meet up. After watching a movie, Yu confessed that he wasn't lying back then. I-I… I didn't know what to do, so I said some cruel things to him.”

“Damn it,” Kanji said, shaking his head. “What the hell did you say to him?”

“I said that… he shouldn't joke around and that it was embarrassing to be confessed to by a guy.” Yosuke's shoulders tensed up. “I kept going on and on to the point where other people were watching. He ran off and I didn't go after him.”

“No, that's not what I said.” Kanji's eyes narrowed. “What _exactly_ did you say?”

More tears spilled from Yosuke's eyes. He held out one of his hands in front of himself, looking at it intently. “I told him it was gross for two guys to like each other. He said, 'How can you think it's gross? We've held hands before. We've hugged before. Is that different now?'” Yosuke's hand closed into a loose fist. “Yu tried to put his hand on my shoulder. I tried to just shove his hand away… but I ended up smacking him across the face. He ran, and I didn't chase after him. I—”

Before Yosuke could finish, Kanji was so close to him. The taller man picked him up by the collar of his jacket, his eyes filled with rage. Yosuke tried to squirm away, but Kanji wouldn't let him go and kept him nearly two inches above the ground.

“How could you do that to him?!” Kanji shouted. “Y'know, you gave me a lot of shit in high school, but he always backed me up. I get it, I wasn't as close to you. But he's your best friend, god damn it! You… even if he wasn't, you can't just be a dick and hurt someone like that!”

“Don't you think I know that?! I-I… I'd do anything to take it all back! We haven't talked to each other since!” Yosuke couldn't contain it anymore and cried openly. “I was scared, damn it! I didn't know what it'd be like. I'm a coward and I'm a horrible person!”

Kanji slowly let Yosuke down, and he could tell that his legs were still shaking. “You… you need to make this right,” Kanji said, trying to calm down.

“I don't think I can,” Yosuke said weakly. “The worst part of it is that last year, I realized that maybe I did like him. Maybe that's why I was so scared… but there's nothing I can do to fix it.”

“You don't know if you don't try.” Kanji tapped his hand on Yosuke's chest. “Even if he doesn't accept it, your apology has to come from here.”

“He probably won't talk to someone as disgusting as me…” Yosuke muttered. “It hurts… we don't talk and he moved on. This is karma, isn't it?”

“I don't know about that, but you need to deal with it. We've noticed, y'know?” Kanji pulled out his phone and showed the texts from Naoto. But as he showed the screen, a new text had popped up: a picture of a diamond ring.

Yosuke shook his head. “He doesn't need me. He has _her_ now.”

“You're a real idiot,” Kanji sighed. “Just find a time to apologize. He's only going to be here until after Christmas. That's an entire week. I'll keep everyone else away from you two if I have to.”

“… do you think he'll want to talk to me?” Yosuke wiped his face with his palms.

“Like I said, dumbass,” Kanji said. “You're going to have to try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god what have I done, h-hahaha...
> 
> In all seriousness, I don't know where the inspiration is coming from. This is the fasted I've ever updated and this plot has momentarily taken over my life. I mean, the word count is so much longer than I'm used to just what the hell?? 
> 
> It's going to be quite the journey for these two. The title of the chapter comes from "Sparks" by Coldplay because I'm a sap. I hope this was alright?? I'll see y'all next time!


	3. undo the storm // december 20

Yu was going to be home alone that night. Dojima would come back tomorrow morning and Nanako was sleeping over with friends to celebrate finishing the term. Yu was proud of the effort Nanako and her friends had put into the past term, so he encouraged her to celebrate despite her initial protests—she wanted to spend more time with him. He didn't mind so much to be alone, but what had bothered him were the thoughts swimming in his head. Yu pulled out his phone and called Akari. She picked up right away, after the first ring.

“Hello, Naru-kun!” Akari said cheerfully. “How are you?”

“I'm doing alright,” he said quietly. “How about you? Are you keeping warm?”

“Yeah. The snow is starting to let up a little over here. What about Inaba? How's the snow there?”

“It's been snowing a lot.” Yu smiled. “But it's really pretty. I'll send you a picture.”

“Or, better yet, you can take me there.” Akari sighed. “It's boring over here. Oh, except for the part where I almost set the tea kettle on fire.”

“How on earth—”

“I used too much oil when I was frying chicken. The oil went everywhere.” Both of them laughed. Yu could picture her trying to explain why the apartment caught on fire to her parents.

“You're hopeless,” Yu said, still chuckling. “That's why you're supposed to keep the oil on medium-high and so the oil doesn't splatter.”

“I'm not that incompetent!” Akari scoffed, faking offense. “Admit it, you love my ginger pork.”

“I do, I do.” Yu hummed. “Your croquettes are good, too.”

“Now _that's_ what I like to hear. But I should go now, I have an early start tomorrow and I need all the beauty sleep I can get. Good night!”

“Okay. Good night.”

He needed some small talk. While Yu and Akari discussed getting married, the idea still sounded strange to him. Their parents would probably expect a lot out them, namely children. The price of keeping his true self was heavy. It was sad; after everything during his stay in Inaba during high school and vowing to be true to himself, Yu decided that maybe hiding was the better option. What a coward, what a mess. He—no, both of them—would have to rise to their parents expectations at some point. Yu just hoped that after they got married, maybe it could be just left at that. He and Akari would just live in peace, or rather, as much peace as they could possibly have.

Yu scrolled through his phone, going back to pictures from high school. After getting a new phone, he managed to move all the pictures he took with his friends. His favorite used to be a picture of him and Yosuke on the school roof, before their friendship fell apart. Yu wanted to call him, but his courage wavered. Instead, Yu found himself in front of the open fridge, taking out a pot of leftover curry. He and Nanako ended up making too much, thinking that it would be nice to have during the cold weather. Thankfully, Teddie had come by earlier that day and took a good portion of the curry back home with him. 

_I wonder if Yosuke tried it._

As Yu turned on the stove and placed the pot on the burner, his phone went off. He pulled out his phone, getting a call from Teddie. 

“Hey, Teddie.” Yu grabbed a ladle and stirred the curry. “I have some of the curry heating up. Do you think you could take more of it?”

“… uh… it's me.”

“Oh.” Yu coughed to clear his throat. “Where's Teddie?”

“Uhm… He's taking a bath now. My phone battery died, and he said to call and asked if you still had food.” 

Yu turned down the fire to low heat and stopped stirring. He wanted to hang up, but this was the perfect chance to have somewhat of a conversation. “Yeah, there's a good amount left.”

“Okay. Well, uhhhh… He ate almost all of it. I'll tell Ted to get it tomorrow. So…”

Yu's mouth opened, but no words in particular came to mind. They stayed on the call together, neither really saying anything. A few “ahhs” and “hmmms” were exchanged, but nothing of importance. 

“I guess I'll go—”

“You can come over to get it.” The words escaped Yu before he could think. “It's not going to be warm enough, though.” Now he really wanted to hang up couldn't bring himself to. He was hoping for an answer, good or bad.

“If that's alright with you. I'm just gonna pick it up. I'll… uh… be there soon I guess.”

Before Yu could say more, Yosuke hung up. _Calm down_ , he told himself as he frantically searched for a container. He was unsure on how to feel. Should he be happy that Yosuke talked to him, even if it was for a trivial thing? Or should he be cautious? Yosuke didn't seem to be all that enthusiastic about picking up some leftovers, then again who would? As he piled the curry in the container and grabbed a plastic bag to put it in, Yu's felt a flush in his cheeks. His face had gotten warmer—maybe from being near the stove?

Yu set the leftovers on the table, grabbed the teapot and a box of tea leaves. Out of habit, he prepared enough for two people. It was always either for himself and Nanako, or himself and Akari. Would it be worth it to invite Yosuke inside for some tea? Would it accomplish anything? Before he could make a decision, Yu heard the doorbell ring. He picked up the bag from the table and went to the front door. 

“Um, hi,” Yosuke said, looking down as Yu opened the door.

“Hello.” Yu said, holding out the bag. “Tell Teddie not to eat it all at once this time.”

“Maybe now he'll shut up about it,” Yosuke muttered. He grabbed the bag and tied it closed.

“I'm sorry my cooking was a hassle for you.” Yu said, turning his head away.

“O-Oh, that's not what I meant,” Yosuke said, sighing. “Anyways, I should get going.”

“… you can come in, if you want. I just made some tea.” Yu stepped to the side and held out his hand towards the door, gesturing for Yosuke to go inside.

“Are you sure?” Yosuke's eyes shifted from side to side. “Hmm… maybe it's better if I don't. Teddie might want some of this now.” As he turned around to leave, Yu could have sworn Yosuke was going to say more, but ultimately stopped himself. Instead, Yosuke held the bag tightly and started to walk away. 

“I'll see you later.”

“Okay. Stay warm.” 

Once he got back into the house, Yu checked on the curry, which was already on a low boil. He grabbed a ladle and a bowl, giving himself a small portion. After turning off the stove and pouring a cup of tea, Yu took his dinner to the kotatsu. As he turned on the t.v. to catch the last hour of news, his cell phone went off again, this time it was Nanako.

“Hey, Nanako. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just got off the phone with dad!” She started giggling. “I asked him if we could have a hot pot when he gets back. His train should be in around lunch time.”

“That sounds good. I can pick up the ingredients tomorrow morning.”

“Dad said you could invite everyone over.”

“Okay. I'll let them know. See you tomorrow, Nanako. Sleep well.”

“Good night, big bro!”

_… everyone, huh?_

_____

“So how did it go?”

Kanji and Naoto were seated at the counter of Aiya. The restaurant was nearing maximum capacity and while other conversations made it slightly difficult to listen to each other, the background noise helped cloak their discussion. Kanji had taken a few sips of water, trying to decide where to start and how much to tell. In the end, he decided to give Naoto the abridged version. He noticed that she didn't seem so surprised, but deep in thought.

“I think you were being too harsh.” 

Kanji raised an eyebrow. “Too harsh? Were you listening?”

“Yes,” Naoto said, tracing her finger around the ring of her glass. “It bothers me. I know Yosuke's comments can be… unpleasant. _But_ , he was confiding in you, and you yelled at him.”

“I guess.” Kanji rubbed his forehead. “It's just… Yu always stuck up for me when it comes to that kind of thing, so I figured I should do the same for him.”

“But Yosuke's our friend, too.” Naoto took a sip of water. “We shouldn't be picking sides. It's no one's fault, really. He said it was an accident, right?”

“Ugh, yeah, he did.” Kanji heaved a sigh. “I get your point. I'll apologize whenever I see him.”

“I don't mean to make you feel guilty.” Naoto leaned back with contemplative expression, her eyes distant. “Sometimes, people drift away from each other.”

Kanji frowned at Naoto's words. The thought of their group breaking apart was unbearable, given everything they've been through. “It doesn't feel right to just let them drift away from each other when they haven't talked about it.”

“Then we should give them the space.” She turned to Kanji and gave him a small smile. “And we should let them both know that we'll support them.”

“I guess I can't argue with that,” Kanji said, smiling back. “I just want things to go back to the way it was before. I hate talking about this kind of stuff behind their backs.”

Naoto shook her head. “Think of is as us being concerned friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I want to thank everyone who commented. I honestly thought of giving up on this, especially since I've recently come back to writing regularly. I'm still contemplating whether or not this will be the last fic I'll write, but again, thank you guys for supporting me.
> 
> Edit: The title comes from "Thousand Eyes" by Of Monsters and Men.


	4. a place to start // december 21

The trip to Junes was uneventful. The bags were heavy due to the large portions of meat, vegetables, noodles and other seasonings that they would need. Rise had offered to bring tofu from her family's shop and Kanji volunteered to buy drinks. Keeping that in mind, Yu wondered if he had bought enough food for the large group. Chie could _inhale_ meat if she so desired and Teddie could go through twelve servings like it was nothing. As soon as he got to the house, Yu noticed Nanako's shoes by the door. Just as he expected, Nanako was seated at the kotatsu, watching a Christmas-related program. She smiled warmly, greeting Yu with her usual, “welcome back, big bro” as she stood up, offering to help put away the groceries. 

“How much did you get?” Nanako asked, struggling to carry one of the bags to the table. 

“Hopefully enough,” Yu said as he unpacked on of the bags. “Do you want to help me prepare the food later?”

“Yup! I've gotten better with cutting vegetables, but not so much with meat.” Nanako tilted her head in thought as she placed the seasonings on the table. “Do you want to go with me to meet dad later?”

“Yeah, since it's been a while.” Yu began to put the vegetables into the fridge. “I don't get to come back here as often as I want to.”

“You can always come back,” Nanako said, smiling. “We'll be ready for you anytime!”

“Thanks, Nanako.” He patted the top of her head. “After I graduate, I'll visit more, I promise.”

Nanako pulled on his arm in the direction of the front door. “We should get going. It's already almost noon!”

Yu nodded and patted his pockets, making sure he had the house keys. As they put on their shoes, Yu wondered how well Nanako would take to Akari. For future visits, Akari would definitely tag along to meet the often talked about “little sister” and hardworking uncle. She'd want to see where he went to school, where he ate and where he spent time with his friends. It wasn't as if Yu _didn't_ want to show her those places—they were precious to him and his time in Inaba helped shaped who he was. But how much of that mattered anymore? Deep down, despite never wanting to admit it, Yu had changed since then. Or, more accurately, reverted to how he used to be before his time in Inaba. Any courage he had gained that year had dissolved into nothing. 

The walk to the train station seemed longer than usual. Everything was distant and hazy, almost as if a sort of fog lingered, but only Yu could sense its presence. If there was anything Yu wished for, it was to have a peace of mind and ignore the perpetual anxiety surrounding him. While he wouldn't have minded his friends knowing everything about him, Yu feared his parents' reaction. He wasn't interested in women and he didn't want to be set up on dates. The only saving grace of being set up was meeting Akari and knowing that she was in the same position. If it was anyone else, Yu would have brushed them off, then and there. He would have to come up with an excuse every single time. In other words, it would have been an immense burden.

On top of everything, Yu was conflicted on how he felt about his relationship with Yosuke, or lack thereof. To be so close, only to drift apart was his worst nightmare when his departure was approaching. With all the other emotions he felt—sadness, confusion and even fear—Yu couldn't bring himself to be angry. A part of him wished so hard that he could get mad at Yosuke for hurting him. But it was his own fault for taking the chance, wasn't it? 

_It was no one's fault but mine._

“Are you okay?” Nanako asked. Yu was taken aback. When did they get to the station? Nanako stared at him, her eyes full of concern. 

“I'm fine. I'm just a little tired,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “I had a hard time sleeping last night.”

“Oh, well maybe you could take a warm bath tonight,” Nanako said. “That might help you relax. I could make you warm milk, too.”

“I'll give it a try.” Yu smiled, trying to reassure Nanako. 

“Hey, you two.”

Dojima waved over to them. He seemed to be just as tired—the bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway. As he walked towards them, Dojima adjusted his duffel bag. Nanako wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Dojima laughed and patted her head, smiling back at her. It was nice to see them so naturally happy, especially after everything they went through together. Just seeing them together like that put Yu a bit more at ease. 

“And look at you,” Dojima said, patting Yu's shoulder. “How have you been?”

“I've been doing well,” Yu replied. “How was your trip?”

“Same as ever.” Dojima sighed as they began to make their way back to the house. “We had to review some new regulation laws and examine recent statistics. But enough about that. I don't want to bore you. I've heard some interesting things from my sister.”

Yu's eyes widened. He quickly glanced at Nanako's direction, then back at Dojima. “Maybe we could talk about it later?”

“Alright, alright,” Dojima chuckled slightly as Yu gave a sigh in relief. “Then how about your studies? I'm guessing that your grades are exceptional.”

“It's been pretty difficult to be honest,” Yu said. “I still can't believe that I managed to do so well. I'm going to be working at the hospital.”

“Are you gonna be a doctor?” Nanako asked. “Because I'm planning on being a nutritionist when I get older.”

Yu shook his head and smiled. “No, I'm going to be working in the office.” His response earned a frown from Nanako. 

“Well, that's the first I heard about that, Nanako.” Dojima's eyebrows furrowed. “When did you decide on that?”

“My teacher said we need to focus on the future!” Nanako's eyes shimmered in excitement. “You can keep everyone safe, and I'll keep them healthy!”

Dojima laughed heartily as they reached the front of the house. With his family there, Yu felt that he could be more relaxed. Maybe once everyone left after dinner, he could talk about his anxieties with Dojima. He was more level headed and more open-minded than his parents. But that would be something to worry about later.

_____

As everyone came by, Yu and Nanako had finished preparing the ingredients and the broth. As Yu opened the lid of pot, the savory fragrance filled the room, making everyone dash to the table with their bowls. With the house so lively and filled with people, Nanako was humming and smiling more. Even though he had already planned on putting aside his feelings for the evening to prevent more awkwardness, seeing Nanako so happy made him more determined.

“Thanks for doing all the cooking,” Dojima said as he grabbed a bowl. “I'm sorry I wasn't that much help.”

“It's alright,” Yu said. “I like cooking, and I don't get the chance to cook for this many people.”

“Then maybe we should visit you more often!” Teddie beamed as he grabbed a few pieces of meat. “That way, you can cook as much as you like, sensei.”

“Come to think of it,” Rise said. “Wouldn't it be nice to get together in the city? I mean, I'm making my come back there, Naoto is usually running around and senpai lives there. How about it?”

“Maybe we could figure it out in the spring?” Kanji suggested. “What about you, Yukiko? Since you help out with the inn and all. When would it be better for you?”

“I'm sure if I tell my family and the staff a good while in advance,” she began. “Then maybe I could take some time off.”

As the group kept the conversation going—with Dojima and Nanako joining in—Yu stared down at his broth-filled bowl. Since he had been around food all day, Yu didn't feel all that hungry. He took a few sips of the broth, hoping that he was just tired. 

“Hey Ted!” Yosuke shouted. “What makes you think that you can eat my food?”

“But you weren't eating?” Teddie showed no signs of remorse as he continued to pick food out of Yosuke's bowl.

“Stop it! I was just letting it cool down!” Yosuke pulled his bowl out of Teddie's reach, placing it on the other side of the table. “You can get your own food!”

Yu reached out for Yosuke's bowl and picked up the serving chopsticks. _Let's see… a few pieces of meat, some mushrooms, noodles…_

“H-Hey, you don't have to,” Yosuke said, looking down. “I could've done it.”

“It's alright,” Yu said as he ladled the broth into the bowl. “No tofu, right?”

Yosuke nodded his head, his cheeks a little flushed—maybe from embarrassment? As Yu placed the bowl down, he noticed that Chie, Naoto and Kanji were staring at him. Yu shrugged and continued to sip out of his own bowl. His eyes wandered over to Yosuke, who seemed to be enjoying this serving.. Yu wasn't sure how to take this.

_You're over-thinking this._

And yet he couldn't help but feel somewhat happy.

_____

The cold air wasn't as bothersome after eating something warm. As everyone was leaving the Dojima household, Kanji asked Yosuke to wait behind for a bit. After telling Teddie to go ahead, Yosuke and Kanji walked around, taking a detour by walking near Samegawa. Kanji was going back and forth in his mind, trying to choose his words carefully. He inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly.

“I… I wanted to apologize about the other day,” Kanji said, bowing his head. “I should have heard you out properly before getting upset.”

Yosuke smiled and shook his head. “No, it's alright. I would've gotten mad at me, too.”

Kanji lifted his head. “I don't like how things are, so I figured that I'll help you out, if you need me to.”

“N-Nah, I don't need help,” Yosuke said, his smile weakening. “I wouldn't even know where to start. Maybe I should just leave it alone.”

“I think you're wrong,” Kanji sighed. “What makes you think that just leaving things the way they are is the best option?”

“For starters,” Yosuke began. “We don't really talk. The only way we see each other is because of the group. If we were alone… it'd be different. Besides, what if he's angry at me?”

“I don't think he's angry.” Kanji cocked his head to the side in thought. “When _does_ he get mad?”

“Hey, there's a first for everything. Look,” Yosuke rubbed the back of his neck. “It's not going to happen.”

To Yosuke's suprise, Kanji got closer to him and patted his back. Somehow, Kanji's expression became more gentle and open. He smiled at Yosuke, as genuinely as he could. 

“C'mon, man. Think about it. He let you come over, he cooked for us and he filled your bowl. That's gotta count for something, right?” Kanji then smacked Yosuke's shoulder—maybe a little too hard—as he turned around. He began to walk towards the direction of his house. “Take baby steps, Yosuke,” he called, walking home.

Yosuke stared up at the sky.

_Baby steps…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. The chapter title comes from "Yellow Light" by Of Monsters and Men (I've been listening to them a lot lately). 
> 
> I'm not even gonna try to hide it--my confidence (well, whatever little amount I had) has been shaken by a lot of things. I can't say that I'm proud of what I'm writing. It's been hard to write in the past two weeks, so I've been forcing myself to keep writing. The upside to this is that I've noticed a slight improvement in my mood and I'm going on a mini-vacation this coming Tuesday. Hopefully, seeing my partner and some of my friends will put me back into a better writing mood. I'm not gonna update until I get back (though who knows? maybe I'll be struck with inspiration before I leave). 
> 
> Anyhow, thanks to those who have read and commented! Honestly, if it weren't for you guys, I would have stopped updating. I'll see y'all later.


	5. scared to breathe // december 22

Yosuke could sum up his morning in one word: whirlwind. Everything was spinning and going too fast for him to catch up. The congested train car didn't help matters—as if being smothered by his thoughts weren't enough, he had to be trapped into a corner. At the same time, he mentally kicked himself for being so surprised. Christmas was only a few days away, so of course others would be rushing to buy gifts or sale items. Kanji had called Yosuke bright and early, talking about how he hadn't bought everyone a gift yet and that he should tag along. While he had actually gotten most of his shopping done, Yosuke figured it wouldn't hurt to go outside. It was a far better choice than rotting away in his bed, contemplating his next course of action. 

As soon as everyone got off at Okina City, whatever life force that was stolen from Yosuke returned to his body. He could breathe and his thoughts could be gathered more easily. Kanji led the way, heading straight for the craft store. Watching Kanji collect materials was exhausting to say the least. Yosuke's eyes followed as Kanji moved from section to section with a childish excitement. From felt, to stuffing, to embroidery floss to needles, Kanji took care in everything he picked out—Yosuke could tell from the appreciation beaming from his eyes. 

“Is there anywhere you wanted to go?” Kanji asked as approached the counter to pay. Yosuke shook his head. 

“Not really,” he mumbled. “I don't think I need to shop for anyone else.”

“Not even for Yu?” Kanji took his change and began to walk out of the store. Yosuke followed, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, like I'd know where to start with that,” he mumbled. “I can't be all like, 'Hey, sorry for being a horrible friend! Here's a gift. Merry Christmas!'”

“You _were_ best friends,” Kanji reminded him. “So you have to know what he'd like for a present. And c'mon, it's Christmas so a gift is mandatory.”

The brunette shrugged. “I guess. But people change. He might not like the same things anymore for all I know.”

“Look, Yosuke,” Kanji said, sighing. “You gotta stop thinking about crap like that. So what if he doesn't like it? It's better than not trying.”

“It's hard when it's all my fault.” Yosuke came to a halt and looked down, his head hanging in shame. “I… I've beaten myself over it since then. I really don't think there's anything I can do to make up for what I said and—”

“—you're right. You can't do anything.”

The words pierced through Yosuke's chest as he turned around. Chie was standing a few feet away, mouth twisted and hands on her hips. 

“O-Oh, Chie. Um…” A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “What are you doing here?”

Chie stepped forward, planting her feet firmly and her arms now crossed over her chest. “I was doing some shopping and I saw you guys. And then I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying.” 

Kanji cocked his head to the side. “We're just doing some last minute shopping. Why the hell are you so tense?” 

“Because!” she shouted, gaining the attention of other shoppers. “You think that something like a stupid present is gonna make it better?”

The stares of people passing by made Yosuke's skin crawl. He couldn't make out their expressions or their words, but he heard their whispers. The more he looked around, more eyes stared back. His body grew heavier and his head spun. He knew that nothing could make up for the mistake he made. He knew that something as small as a Christmas gift wasn't going to do anything.

“Hey! Chill the hell out, Chie!” Kanji yelled, snapping Yosuke back into place. “If you have something to say, then let's take it elsewhere.”

“Fine. Let's go,” she muttered, walking off. Yosuke wasn't sure if following her would be the right choice. How much did she know? Yosuke tried to think back, looping his memories over and over. He couldn't remember seeing her anywhere. Where was she and why didn't she say anything until now if she knew? Or did Yu tell her about this? Oh, no. His stomach twisted and turned. She hated him—he could tell. The tone in her voice and the coldness in her eyes were enough to let him know.

“You alright?” Kanji asked, waving his hand in front of Yosuke's face. “Just take some deep breaths, man. I got your back, remember?”

Yosuke could only nod as Kanji grabbed his wrist and pulled him along. Snowflakes fluttered down, melting as soon as they grazed Yosuke's burning face. Once they caught up with Chie, Yosuke's shoulders trembled and his heart was pounding.

“I don't know what you think you're doing,” Chie began. “But you can't fix this so easily.”

“What the hell makes you think he believes that?” Kanji shot back. “He's trying his best to do what he can. He's starting small.”

“Why are you siding with him? Do you know what he _did_?” 

**_No, no, no, no. I know what I did. I don't need to hear it again._ **

“Yeah, he told me. He's my friend, and I support _all_ of my friends.” Kanji looked down. “Yeah, I was pissed off at first, but I realized that I shouldn't pick sides. It's not fair to listen to just one person. Both sides need to be heard.”

“But it was his fault,” Chie reasoned, her voice raised. “And he didn't even bother to apologize. I mean, what the hell, Yosuke? Or are you gonna let Kanji do all the talking for you?”

“You're being so… you're a horrible friend!” Kanji shouted. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Him! He can't even talk for himself!”

_**Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.** _

“That's because you just yell at him and don't give him a chance to explain.” Kanji sighed. “Just talk to him like normal, okay?”

Chie's shoulders dropped as she sighed in resignation. “Then what _do_ you have to say, Yosuke?”

Yosuke gulped and took a few shaky breaths. Tears formed, but remained at his eyelashes. “I… Don't you think that I replay everything over and over again?! If I could take it back, I'd do it in a heartbeat! Even if I apologize, he probably wouldn't forgive me. I-I wouldn't blame him for that.”

Kanji patted Yosuke's back. “What do you have to say to that, Chie? He's trying. Whether or not that's enough is between Yu and Yosuke. As their friend, you should support both of them.”

“… so that's it, huh.” Chie looked away. “You better take this seriously. He's really hurt and confused.”

“Why wouldn't I take this seriously?” Yosuke muttered. “And for the record, I'm hurt and confused, too. What the hell am I supposed to do? He barely looks at me.”

“If you're serious about this, then make him look at you.” Chie walked up to Yosuke and jabbed her pointer finger on his chest, making him jump. “Go all out. Make it known that you're sorry. Don't half-ass it. Got it?”

“Y-Yeah. You don't have to tell me twice.” Yosuke's eyes shifted around. “I think I'm gonna go back now… I still have a lot to think about.”

Yosuke didn't bother to respond to Chie trying to convince him to stay or Kanji's offer to go back with him. As he walked away, Yosuke pulled a pair of earbuds from his pocket and scrolled through the music on his phone. He needed a distraction and just wanted his thoughts to stop so that he could think clearly. What would he apologize for first? For smacking him on accident? For not following him and apologizing years after the fact? It wasn't as if Yosuke didn't try beforehand, but the words wouldn't come out. Or did Yosuke have to go back farther and apologize for taking Yu's confession as a joke? Yosuke Hanamura, the Prince of Junes and the prime example of disappointment was in a fine, fine mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter went a little differently than I expected. For one it's shorter and the interaction with Chie didn't really go as planned though she and Yosuke are gonna have a one on one convo next chapter so that might make things better? I have future chapters outlined, so I more or less have a direction that I'm heading towards. Chapter titled comes from “Afraid” by The Neighbourhood.
> 
> With the new semester starting already (like what the fuck? who thought that starting in mid-august was a good idea and on a friday no less??), updates might be kinda slow. Then again, my schedule is pretty light, so it might not be so bad. Anyhow I'll see y'all next time.
> 
> Feel free to bother me on [tumblr](http://www.tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com)


	6. move slow, move steady // december 23

As Yosuke stood at the doorway of Aiya, he looked around for Chie. He received a lengthy, incoherent voicemail from her during his shift. All he could make out was “be at Aiya by six o’clock.” She was sitting all the way in the back, swirling around a glass of water. From what Yosuke could tell, Chie hadn’t noticed him yet. _You can back out now,_ he told himself. _You could leave quietly and she wouldn’t even notice._ But as soon as Yosuke was welcomed by the staff, Chie looked up and nodded her head in acknowledgement. Yosuke gulped and made his way over to her.

“I was surprised you called,” Yosuke said as he sat down across from Chie.

She took a sip from her glass. “I’m just as surprised that you actually came over here.”

“If I’m not here, I’m either working or stuck in my room.” Yosuke waved over to Aika, who promptly came over to take his order: a beef bowl and a glass of water. After she left, both Yosuke and Chie shifted around in their seats. Yosuke wasn’t sure what to expect from her at this point. 

“Look, I um…” Chie sighed. “I talked to Yukiko about everything.”

A yelp escaped from Yosuke’s lips as his eyes widened. “Oh.”

“She said the same thing Kanji did, about how no one should be picking sides.” A sense of defeat laced her voice. “I didn’t want to think I was wrong because I was mad, but Yukiko thought that I should apologize to you.” 

Yosuke rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back. “You don’t have to force it, y’know.”

Chie shrugged. “I don’t know where to start, but after I talked it out with Yukiko and thought really hard about it, I guess I was scared.”

“Of what?” With all the yelling and big fuss she made, Chie was scared?

Chie’s brows furrowed as she bit her lower lip. “I thought, ‘What would happen if Yukiko or any of my friends thought I was gross just because I don’t like guys?’ If Yukiko ever changed how she acted around me, I wouldn’t know what to do.” 

All the past remarks that Yosuke had said to Kanji came back at once. They weren’t Yosuke’s proudest moments and somewhere deep down, he was aware of why he had been so judgemental. 

_I was scared, too._

“I, erm...” Yosuke began. “It’s not that I think it’s gross. I mean, before I kinda thought it was. I just didn’t want anyone to come onto me? I’m not really sure.”

“Oh yeah?” Chie said, snorting. “Says the guy that hit on his girl friends when he had the chance. Like—”

Before Chie could say more, Aika came by and placed a steaming bowl and a glass of water in front of Yosuke. Once she left, Yosuke picked up a set of chopsticks and started eating.

“I was alone,” he said, after a few bites. “I had friends in the city, but it wasn’t like you guys. We weren’t as close, so I wanted someone to notice me. Out of everyone else, I wanted Yu’s approval and attention the most.”

“So then what the hell happened?” Chie asked.

Yosuke smiled weakly. “I panicked. How would you feel if your best friend confessed to you, took it back, and then confesses _again_ a year later?”

Chie’s eyes widened. “Wait, _what_? He told you a second time?”

“Remember?” Yosuke asked, tilting his head to the side. “I went to go visit him. You guys kept saying that it sucked that I was the only one that could go. That time, he said it more seriously and we argued. That’s… where I messed up the most. If I had just stepped back and thought about how much Yu meant to me and stopped caring about what other people would think, I might have realized that I liked him, too. But here we are.”

As he continued to eat—small bites at a time—Yosuke refused to look up. He didn’t want to see any disappointment or judgement, not that he believed he was exempt from it just because he gave a clearer picture. 

“I think I understand it a bit better,” Chie said. “So he confessed to you, took it back, confessed again and you guys argued. Now that you know you like him back, he’s planning on getting married.”

“It’s like some crappy daytime drama,” Yosuke said with forced laughter. “But if he’s doing what makes him happy, I can’t do anything about it.”

“I’m… not one to talk,” Chie said, shifting her eyes. “But I’m sure he misses you. Yu’s not mad—he’s just afraid of being hurt.”

The weight that had been dragging Yosuke down in all those years was lifted—it wasn’t by much, but it made him feel better all the same. After all that time, Yosuke was afraid that Yu was angry with him or worse, flat out hated him. He was missed, so maybe he has a chance to patch things up. But knowing how delicate the situation is, Yosuke wasn’t sure that he could tread carefully enough to patch things up. 

_Just because he misses me doesn’t mean he wants to be friends._

“Did you end up figuring out what to get him?” Chie asked.

Yosuke shook his head. “No. I couldn’t think of anything that would make sense.”

“Suit yourself,” Chie said, shrugging. She straightened up, looking at Yosuke. “Listen, I… um… I’m sorry. I can’t really make up for the things I said and how I acted. I’m not proud of the things I thought, either.”

“Yeah,” Yosuke said quietly, wincing. “It really hurt. You’re my friend, and I get that I say and do the wrong things, but I didn’t even get a chance to explain my side of it.”

“What Kanji said really got to me,” Chie said, sighing. “He was right—I was being a horrible friend. I was so quick to jump to Yu's side and get all mad for him. But looking at it now, I was projecting my fears onto the situation. I'm sorry for not considering you.”

“Thanks, Chie.” Yosuke smiled softly. “That really means a lot. Though, with the way you were talking, I would’ve figured that you were gonna be a therapist and not a cop.”

Chie snickered. “Hey, if I wanna protect this town I have to be self aware, don't I? What's the point of protecting people and understanding their needs if I can't step back and look at myself. I'm just worried that I do that last part too late.”

“So… are we okay?” Yosuke asked before taking a sip of water.

“I hope we are.” Chie rubbed the back of her neck. “You can say some jerk-ish stuff, but you're a solid friend otherwise. I can't say that I'm any better. Just, um, don't tell Yukiko about what I said earlier?”

Yosuke nodded. “Though, I wouldn't be surprised if she knew. Anyone with half a brain can see if from a mile away. I’m surprised you guys weren’t a thing yet with all the ‘I’ll protect her!’ stuff and how you rushed in to save her without thinking.”

“L-Like you're subtle!” Chie stammered, cheeks completely red. “You clung onto him, being all like ‘partner this, partner that.’ You were like a lost puppy that found its owner.”

While he didn’t like being compared to a pet—he and Yu considered each other equals, after all—this sort of light hearted conversation put Yosuke back in time. _This_ was the Chie he knew, and he was glad that he could rest a little easier.

“I wonder if we’ll ever go back to being like that,” Yosuke murmured.

“That’s only if both of you want it,” Chie said, tilting her head to the side and smiling. “I meant it when I said he misses you.”

Yosuke grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth. “I should get going. I have a rough day ahead of me tomorrow. Hopefully I can meet up with you guys tomorrow if my dad let’s me off early.”

“Sheesh, he’s making you work on Christmas Eve?” 

“Of course,” Yosuke said, sighing as he stood up. “It’s gonna be one of our busiest days. I’ll try to make it tomorrow. You guys agreed to meet up at seven, right?”

“Yeah, we’re meeting up at the house and we’re gonna exchange gifts and eat.” Chie swayed side to side. “Yu promised yakitori and he said he might make shiruko. I’m sure that we can save you some if you come late.”

“I’ll let someone know if I get stuck until closing. See you later.” He waved goodbye and rushed out, wanting to beat the predicted heavy snowfall. Luckily, Yosuke managed to get home without facing the worsening weather. As he changed and got ready for bed, Yosuke’s heart raced. 

_If my dad lets me off early enough,_ he wondered. _Maybe I could still get him something._

He didn’t even know where to start or hell, if any places would still be open by the time he got out of work. But Yosuke felt like for once, he could fix everything. Even if the chances were slim, he wanted to take it.

_If I play my cards right, I might be able to make this work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Oh boy, is the semester full of work. That's what I get for taking all my sciences in one semester. I'm actually surprised that I managed to get this out, considering the workload and my low mood. But I guess two cups of coffee can do wonders?? In any case, I struggled with Chie so much. Yosuke will still probably a bit uncomfortable because of insecurities, but their friendship is more stable now. I'll write more about the rest of the IT in the next several chapters to even things out.
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Slow and Steady" by Of Monsters and Men. I've been listening to that song on loop for a while now. Anyhow, I'll see y'all next time.


	7. what i want to show // december 24

Preparing food was always hectic, even for Yu, who considered himself competent in the kitchen. There was chopping vegetables, whisking together a marinade, letting the meat soak in said marinade, and and preparing side dishes. As the skewers of chicken and vegetables simmered on the countertop grill and the pot of azuki beans had begun to boil, Yu heard the front door sliding open. Nanako came rushing in, trying to catch her breath as she took off her shoes.

“I-I got the drinks,” she said in between breaths. Nanako walked over to the fridge and placed the bottles in carefully.

“What’s wrong?” Yu asked as he turned the burner to medium heat.

“It’s so cold out there, so I thought running would warm me up.” Nanako rubbed her hands together. She walked over to the kotatsu and settled in. “Is there any tea left?”

Yu looked at the tea kettle on the stove and lifted up the lid. “Yeah, we still have some tea. I’ll heat it up and let you know when it’s ready.”

“Okay!” Nanako grabbed the remote and turned on the television. As she flipped through the channels, a series of Christmas sales were being advertised. However, instead of any holiday specials, Nanako opted to listen to the weather report.

“As you can see, we have a strong wind coming in the from the north. You can expect a high chance of heavy snowfall later on this evening. We urge everyone to ensure to have flashlights and back-up sources of heat in case of an emergency. As a precaution an advisory has been issued to those who may be driving tonight.”

“Thank you, Matsuda. We’ll have more details on how to stay safe in our current weather conditions around seven o’clock.”

“I think we still have some batteries for the flashlights,” Nanako said, changing the channel. “We might have some extra blankets, too. Do you think I should call dad?”

“Yeah. Maybe he’ll need to be extra careful tonight. Hopefully, it won’t be so bad.” Yu noticed the steaming tea kettle and turned off the burner. He picked up Nanako’s cup and carefully poured the tea. “Okay, it’s ready Nanako.”

Before Nanako got her cup, she went straight for the closet by the entryway. “Let’s see… flashlights, candles, blankets, first aid kit, batteries… okay, we have everything, big bro. I’ll call dad soon.”

_____

As Teddie began to walk towards the employee lounge, his attention was brought over a whining Yosuke complaining to his dad. Normally, Teddie would ignore it and go on about his day, either working outside handing out balloons or flirting with any housewives that would need his help. But this time, he heard the distress in Yosuke’s voice.

“C’mon, dad. Why does Ted get to go?” Yosuke crossed his arms over his chest. 

“We need to have a meeting with all the shift leads,” Yosuke’s father said sternly. “We have to go over a few things and prepare for the end of the year.”

“Aww, c’mon Hana-papa! Yosuke works really hard!” Teddie shouted, pouting. “He should get to go, too!”

“I know, I know,” Yosuke’s dad said. “I’m not saying he _can’t_ go.”

“Wait, really?” Yosuke nearly cracked a smile. “I can go?”

“Of course you can go.” His father let out a hearty laugh. “I need you for another hour, but as soon as the meeting is over, you can head on over to your friend’s place.”

“Thanks, dad.” Yosuke looked over to Teddie. “Let ‘em know for me, okay?”

“Sure thing, Yosuke!” 

Teddie trotted towards the employee lounge. He managed to clock out for the day and grab his coat and earmuffs. From what he could tell, the snowfall was lightly falling, slowly painting his surroundings white. Teddie was happy to have been able to witness different weather, from sunny to rainy to snow. Being a part of humanity and the human world was a gift that he treasured dearly and no amount of material goods could replace the constant experience of living. And he had his friends to thank for allowing him to be by their side. 

By the time he reached the Hanamura household, the snow had let up a bit. Teddie walked in, took off his shoes and darted upstairs to his and Yosuke’s room to pick up the presents he got everyone. As Teddie reached into the closet and pulled out a large bag, he peeked inside to check that it was the right bag. 

“Okay, looks good,” he hummed as he placed the bag on the floor. “Now where’s that hat Hana-mama gave me?”

For the spirit of Christmas (and promotion), Teddie was given a Santa outfit to wear during his shifts. After hearing the stories of jolly ol’ St. Nick, Teddie took on the character and was even more upbeat—something that Junes staff and regulars thought was impossible. He groped around in the closet, trying to get a feel for the soft velvet. Teddie stretched his arms until he felt the soft fabric, but became curious when his hand brushed against something cool and hard.

“Huh? What’s this?” Teddie pulled out the hat, promptly putting it on his head before fishing out the unknown item. It was strange for him not to know what’s in his “room,” given that he didn’t have too many belongings to begin with. Once he had a good grip on the object, he pulled it out into the light. Teddie’s face fell immediately, now knowing exactly what it was. The jar was filled with small, folded pieces of paper and was covered in dust, indicating that it was hidden away for a very, very long time. But that couldn’t be right— _it shouldn’t be here._

_Yosuke didn’t give it to him?_

When Teddie had first brought up the idea, Yosuke thought it was too silly to be taken seriously as a present. However, Teddie kept pushing for it, since there wasn’t anything complicated or overly ridiculous about it at all. 

“But sensei might feel lonely,” Teddie reasoned. “So why don’t you put lots of messages? He could read one when he misses us. It’s like taking medicine!”

“Even if I do it,” Yosuke said, sighing. “I wouldn’t know what kind of stuff to write…”

“As long as it comes from the heart, it shouldn’t matter.”

Teddie wanted to stick by that line of thinking, despite feeling a bit discouraged from seeing the jar stuck in the closet. Everything started to fall into place and made sense. He remembered Yosuke acting strangely when he got back from his trip to visit Yu. Even after all the pestering and fussing that Teddie put him through, Yosuke had brushed it off, saying that he was tired from the trip. But until now, Teddie noticed a change and tried to bring it up on multiple occasions to no avail. The only hope Teddie had for an answer was whenever Yu was brought up. Before, Yosuke would talk about him with a shine in his eye that made it clear they were close. However, the atmosphere between them was different—Teddie could at least make out that much. 

He placed the jar on Yosuke’s desk, picked up the presents and headed back out into the snow. _Maybe this’ll give him the push,_ Teddie hoped. Luckily, the snow had stopped momentarily, giving him the chance to dash over to the Dojima household. By the time he arrived, everyone but Yosuke was there. 

“Hello, everyone!” Teddie shouted as he entered. “I come bear-ing presents!”

“O-Oh, geez!” Yukiko could be heard giggling from the kitchen and sure enough, Teddie could see her clutching her stomach when he walked in. Chie, on the other hand, rolled her eyes.

“Nice hat, Ted,” Kanji shouted from the couch. 

“Thanks, Kanji!” Teddie put his gifts over by the closet. “Oh! Before I forget, Yosuke’s gonna be late. He’s at a meeting, but he said he’ll come right after.”

“At least he’ll be able to come over for a bit,” Rise said. “It looks like we have enough food up until New Year’s.”

“Though, I have to say I’m worried about him walking through this weather,” Naoto said, sighing. “I’ve heard that the winters here have become more intense in the past two years.”

“Intense sounds about right.” Rise pouted. “Last winter, we used hot water bottles at night to keep warm.”

“I hear ya on that,” Kanji chimed in. “Ma and I had hot water bottles, too. And we had an endless amount of tea to keep warm.”

“That’s the nice thing about having a dog,” Chie said, laughing. “Sometimes, I’ll just pull out one of our spare futons so I can sleep on the floor with him. Poor guy gets cold, too.”

As the talk continued over the best ways to keep warm, Yu managed to plate most of the food into serving bowls. _Chopsticks, cups, plates,_ he thought as picked up everything. He carried all of it to the table.

“Alright, everyone. Food’s ready,” Yu said loudly for everyone to hear. They cheered as they each grabbed a plate, savoring the smell of all the food. Meanwhile, Yu went back to the stove to brew enough tea for everyone. With all the cooking he did, Yu couldn’t bring himself to eat as the constant test-tasting filled him up throughout the evening. However, it brought him joy seeing that friends were enjoying his cooking—all of his hard work was worth it.

_____

Yosuke held his father to his word and bolted out of Junes as soon as the meeting ended. The snow was relentless and the wind was picking up. At that point, he had to make a decision. Either he could run home to pick up the presents and risk walking in harsher conditions, or he could run to the Dojima household and give everyone their presents tomorrow.

_Screw it, I’ll get sick if I stay out that long._

He chose the latter option, wanting more than anything to be with his friends. They would understand if they saw how severe the weather became. Once he approached the house, Yosuke’s cheeks burned from the cold and he couldn’t be more relieved as he nearly slammed the door open, searching for warmth. But in his rush, Yosuke failed to notice the pitch darkness as he called out to the others. 

“Hey guys! I’m… oh, crap.”

“Yosuke? That you?”

“Chie?”

The brunette pulled out his cell phone as a source of light. _It’s already eight?_ He pointed his phone at the ground to take off his shoes, then pointed the light directly in front of him.

“What the hell! Don’t shine that in my face!” Chie screamed.

“Oh, sorry.” Yosuke lowered his cell phone. “What happened?”

“The power went out, so we’re trying to find a way to keep warm since we’ll all be sleeping over.” Her eyes widened as she got a better view of him. “I can’t believe you walked around in that weather! You’re completely covered in snow!”

Yosuke brushed some of the fresh snow off his shoulders and shivered. “So wait, what’s the plan for keeping warm?”

“First, you need to drink some tea.”

Yu came from behind Chie and beckoned Yosuke to come in. “There’s still some hot water on the stove and some of the food should still be warm.”

“Thanks,” As Yosuke walked in, he could see the others walking around with their phones and heard footsteps scrambling down the stairs. 

“Okay, we got some blankets and extra coats!” Nanako said. 

“You better take that jacket off,” Kanji said, pointing at Yosuke. “You’re gonna get sick otherwise.”

“Don’t worry about keeping warm! I’ve got everyone covered!” Teddie shouted triumphantly. “For I, the great Teddie, have nobly brought everyone matching sweaters for Christmas!”

“They’re all pretty cute and the material is really nice! Teddie already gave me mine,” Nanako beamed, proudly presenting her white sweater with pink accents.

“So that’s why you’ve been so careful with your money lately,” Yosuke said, chuckling as he managed to pour himself a cup of tea. The heat from the cup quickly warmed up the palms of his hands, spreading towards his fingertips. 

“Of course! I wanted all of us to have something to connect us!” Teddie picked up his bag and began to hand out the sweaters. 

“That’s so thoughtful of you, Teddie,” Rise said, smiling softly as Teddie held out a sweater to her.

“Yeah, thanks Ted!” Kanji looked at his black sweater proudly. “The fabric feels really soft on the inside.” 

“Well, we better put these on if we’re going to stay the night without any other source of heat.” Naoto pulled the sweater over herself.

“We can light the candles and put them on the table,” Nanako said, walking towards the closet. “We have six candles, so maybe we could light two of them for now? They’re pretty big.”

“I’ll clear the table.” Yu carefully moved the plates of food on the counter as Nanako managed to light the candles. Given the space of the house, the living room and kitchen remained mostly dark, but any light—no matter how dim—was better than nothing. 

“There we go,” she beamed. “The candles should last us a while.”

“What should we do about sleeping?” Rise asked. “Nanako, how many extra futons do you have?”

Nanako brought her hand to her face, looking thoughtful. “Aside from big bro’s, I have an extra one in my room. Umm… maybe we could use the blanket from the kotatsu and the couch cushions?”

“We could use all the blankets and bed sheets,” Yu said. “I’m sure your dad won’t mind if we explained the situation.”

“If he’s staying at the station tonight, it should be fine.” Nanako walked towards the stairs. “I’ll be right back!”

“... maybe we should all huddle together tonight,” Chie mused.

“H-Huddle together?” Kanji asked, his nerves getting the better of him.

“Well yeah. I mean if we want to keep warm,” Chie began. “We’re gonna have to put on our jackets and sleep next to each other.”

“That’s better than anything I could come up with.” Rise started to pull off the cushions from the couch. “We can use these to divide the guys from the girls.”

Nanako came back down with more blankets and two futons. As everyone else gathered around the living room and pushed the table and couch as far as possible, Yu and Nanako spread out the blankets and coats on the floor. The futons, in the end, were folded lengthwise to serve as long pillows for each side to share. The girls stayed on one side, quickly figuring out how they were going to fall asleep. Yukiko would be against the cushion, followed by Chie to the left of her, then Rise, Naoto and Nanako. The moment that the guys showed hesitation, Kanji was the first to speak up. 

“I kinda like sleeping up against something like a wall, so I’ll take the cushion side.” He settled down, leaving the other three to decide. Both Yu and Yosuke shifted awkwardly as their eyes became more adjusted to the dark. 

“Kanji, I’ll sleep next to you if you promise not to go after my fabulous fur,” Teddie joked, earning a groan. 

“That was _years_ ago,” Kanji muttered. “And hurry up. It’s startin’ to feel cold again.”

“Well, I guess I’ll take the spot next to Ted.” Yosuke sighed, kneeling down on the floor as Yu silently followed suit. All the brunette could do was face Teddie, as he was too afraid to turn around. 

“Hey, you guys aren’t planning on sleeping yet, right?” Rise asked rather loudly. “I’m just saying that we’re all used to staying up late, right?”

“I just want to stay warm,” Teddie said, kicking his feet lightly.

“Sometimes,” Nanako began. “I stay up until midnight reading. The last time I slept this early was in elementary school.”

“It depends on how much I help out ma.” Kanji sighed. “Not to mention the kids that come around for crafts. They can take a lot out of me.”

“Awww, but kids are fun to be around!” Teddie remarked. “They’re so full of energy!”

“I don’t think I can keep up with them sometimes.” Kanji let out a light laugh. “I’m probably too young to say this, but I wish I had that kind of energy like before.”

“Maybe you don’t work out enough?” Chie asked. “I run everyday and I started weight training. I could help you get into a routine.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. As long as I can help ma, it’ll be fine.”

The others continued to talk, but all Yosuke could think about was how the week was slipping away, and Yu would go back to Tokyo and move on with his life. He was going to get married, and Yosuke would be left with regrets if he didn’t say anything before Yu left. 

“You alright, Yosuke?” Teddie asked as he turned to face him. “You’re pretty quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Yosuke closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m just really tired from work.”

_I have to think of something._

_____

It was too difficult to sleep.

The wind howled as the snow kept falling. Yu opened up the curtains to the sliding door, watching as it piled up, centimeter by centimeter. One of the candles had gone out by now, leaving Yu with worry. He glanced over at his friends, huddled up together under the blankets and coats. They were snoring softly and sleeping soundly, as far as Yu could tell. He stood up as quietly as he could and walked over to the kitchen table to light another candle. As he clicked the lighter, the small flame flickered and took to the wick easily quickly. Yu pulled out a chair and sat at the table, watching the wax being eaten away at a slow pace. 

The past few days were surreal, and Yu wished he could be more certain that he wasn’t in a dream. The haziness of returning to Inaba, though for a small time, made everything resurface. But at least he was able to see his friends and his family—something he felt that should happen more often. With everything that was going on back at home, Yu was relieved to make the time to come back. In the small window of time with his thoughts, Yu glanced over at his sleeping friends, only to pause at Yosuke. He tossed and turned about in his sleep, just as Yu remembered. 

Yu looked up at the clock on the wall, squinting his eye to make out the numbers. _3:27_ , Christmas morning.

“Huh? Yu…?”

Startled, he looked up as if he had done something wrong. Yu could see Yosuke sitting up and seemingly rubbing his face. 

“Go back to sleep, Yosuke.” Yu whispered. “It’s only about 3:30.”

“Then why are you awake?” Yosuke asked before yawning.   
“I’m having a hard time sleeping. Are you cold?” 

“A little bit, but I’ll be okay.”

Yu stood up and walked back over to his spot. Before he got there, however, Yosuke lied back down, facing Teddie again. Yu settled down next to him and looked up at the ceiling.

“Yosuke?”

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Yu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, man the past two months in general have been difficult. I don't think this is that good, but I feel the need to write something, anything, just so I can get back in the habit. When I look back on stuff I wrote back in 2011, I'm just like, whoa, I was able write so much and so well! But I guess it all comes down to writing even if it's really hard. 
> 
> In other news, I'm working on some other souyo stuff, too, like one-shots and much shorter stories than this (which so far, is planned to have a lot more chapters fml).
> 
> Feel free to poke at me on [tumblr](http://tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> All in all, I hope y'all are doing good and I'll see y'all next time.


	8. space between you and me // december 25

An assortment of kitchen noises and the smell of food brought Yu out of sleep. He was slow to rise, trying to regain his senses. He sat up from the floor and stretched out, and a yawn escaped from his lips. As his rubbed his eyes, Yu could hear his friend's voices, though he couldn't make out what they were saying.

“Oh, Merry Christmas, big bro!” Nanako walked over to him and smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Nanako. What time is it?”

“It's almost nine,” she said, tucking a few strands of loose hair behind her ears. “We warmed up the leftovers, so let's go eat together!”

“Ah, okay.” Yu managed to fully pull himself out of his fatigue.

“Oh, senpai!” Kanji said happily, bringing in everyone's attention.

“Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, everyone.”

Though his friends were talking happily, Yu couldn't help but feel like he was in a daze. Given the little sleep he managed to get, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a few more hours. But being around them gave Yu a sense of peace and relaxation.

“Yu, are you feeling alright?” Yukiko asked.

He shook his head. “I'm fine. I didn't really get to sleep much last night.”

“Hopefully you can have a good rest tonight,” Naoto said. “Especially since your train is tomorrow morning, correct?”

“Yeah. I'll try to sleep early tonight.”

“It sucks that you have to go back so soon!” Rise whined. “I was lucky that I managed to get all this time off. But I'll have to leave before New Years. I made it very clear that I wanted some down time this holiday.” She smiled proudly. “I'm glad that they let me. Though I probably can't make a request like this too many times.”

“And that's why we'll visit you guys more often!” Teddie shouted. “It's always more fun when all of us are together.”

Yu smiled as he began to eat.

_Is this as close as it's going to get to how it used to be?_

* * *

By the time everyone had left, Dojima made it back to the house, covered in snow. After being lectured by Nanako for not dressing warmly, Dojima continued the tradition of making everyone coffee. The family talked for a good while, making small talk. At first, it was comfortable and pleasant. But as they dove into Yu's life back in Tokyo, all he wanted to do was keep it superficial, just as before. Yes, grades were well above average. Yes, he has a decent relationship with his parents. Yes, they're doing well. They always are. It didn't take much for his uncle to raise an eyebrow at Yu's seemingly sudden formalities, but he didn't press for any more answers.

“It's a shame that we can't see each other often,” Dojima said quietly. “I know a year in comparison to the rest of your life isn't much.”

“Don't say those kinds of things, dad!” Nanako said, pouting. “We had a lot of fun that year, right big bro?”

“The most fun I've had.” Yu ran his thumb over the rim of the coffee mug in thought. “When I start working, I can definitely make the time to come out here more often. Believe it or not, I prefer this place to Tokyo.”

“Oh really? This small town?” Dojima asked, his tone now playful. “Then maybe you can move to Okina City.”

“That would be great!” Nanako's eyes shined as she smiled. “Then you could come over every day!”

“That's something I'd have to bring up to my parents, Nanako,” Yu said, chuckling. “My dad wants me to work for him, remember?”

“But you're an adult! You can do what you want to, right?” Nanako was sure that Yu could do anything, even though he didn't have the same certainty.

* * *

 “So,” Yosuke began as Teddie tried to go into the closet. “Do you mind telling me why _this_ is on my desk?” He pointed towards the jar, and Teddie sighed in defeat.

“I was looking for my hat, and I found it,” he explained, his eyes saddening. “I just thought that while he's here, you should give it to him.”

“There isn't a point anymore,” Yosuke said with a sigh. “We're not that close.”

“But you _were_ ,” Teddie insisted. “You guys made each other happy…”

 _But that was before it was a mess. Before I messed it all up._ Yosuke picked up the dusty jar and brought it close to his face. He could still make out some of the strokes where the ink bled through the tiny scraps of paper. “It's all different now.”

“He doesn't make you happy anymore?”

“No, that's…” Yosuke's eyes shifted from side to side. “That's not what I meant.”

Teddie tilted his head and scrunched up his eyebrows. “I don't get it.”

“Look, Ted.” Despite his desire to keep his exasperation and shame to himself, Yosuke's voice wavered. “S-Sometimes people… sometimes friends fight. And they can't go back to being friends, even if they want to.”

After a moment of contemplation, Teddie placed his hands on his hips. “I don't know what you guys could have fought over, but if I were sensei, I would want to be friends again. So you should give it to him!”

“… he'll be happy with it?”

Once he realized the words had left his mouth, Yosuke brought a hand to his face. He didn't want his fears to take over. Yu was finally in the same town, within reach. All he has to do is talk to him. _Just man up and do it already!_ Every part of Yosuke had screamed for him to make things right since then. _Just take the chance._

“Yosuke.”

Teddie's voice snapped him back to reality.

“Of course he'd be happy. It's from _you_.”

* * *

 A warm bath was always a good place for self-reflection. The past few years exhausted a majority of his strength and patience. Looking back on his high school years, Yu's resolve to remain as himself tapered, and because of what? One rejection? How would his younger self think of him now? Maybe it was pathetic to keep clinging onto something that happened years ago, and he should just suck it up and move on. Maybe he should have reached out to his friends instead of being afraid—and just why was he scared in the first place? His friends never had an ounce of doubt in their bonds, so why pull away from them? It was obvious that they missed Yu and wanted to see him more often. After spending a few more minutes soaking in the tub, Yu decided that he should just relax before packing for Tokyo.

As he retreated back to his room, he noticed a flickering light from his phone. Yu picked it up, noticing a new message. 

> im nearby. should i leave the gift outside???

His thumb hovered over the call button, and his heart raced once he heard the dial tone. Yu could hear the surprise in Yosuke's voice.

“H-Hey! So…I'm pretty close. Did you want me to leave the gift by the door?”

“Wait for me,” Yu said, without much control over himself. “I'll meet you downstairs.”

“Okay! I-I'll see you in a sec!”

_CLICK!_

Yu glanced over at the bags he had on the floor. While he managed to find a present for all of his friends—Yosuke included—he was uneasy. Would he even like it? He heaved a sigh and brought down the gift with him, hoping for the best. The wrapped box was gripped tightly in Yu's hand as he made his way down the stairs and opened the front door. Just as he said, Yosuke arrived in a matter of seconds.

“Um… it isn't much, but I hope you like it.” Yosuke held out one of the many bags he was carrying. “I meant to give it sooner.”

“Thank you. I… couldn't think of anything else to get you, so…” Yu took the bag Yosuke offered and gave him the wrapped box. Neither of them could look at each other's faces.

“Thanks. Oh… about your gift,” Yosuke began. “Um, with the jar. That's for when you go back to the city.” The brunette secured all the other bags and turned around, he sighed. “I'm gonna go deliver the rest of these. So… what time does your train leave, again?”

“I'm taking the one at noon.” That's right. This would be his last day in Inaba until who knew when.

“Okay, I guess we'll see you off tomorrow.” As Yosuke walked away, Yu rushed inside and back to his room. He settled himself on the couch and pulled out a wrapped box from the bag. Carefully, he tore at the sides, revealing a thick, brown leather-bound journal and a note card.

> _Hey, partner!_
> 
> _You always seemed like the type who kept his thoughts in a journal like this, so I hope you enjoy filling it up! Look forward to my next visit!_
> 
> _— Yosuke_

_Partner._ How long had it been since Yosuke called him that? And “next visit” threw Yu off. So that's what Yosuke meant by “meant to give it sooner.” Yu smiled bitterly as he started to pack his things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So after making sure that my sister got over her cold, I ended up getting sick. All I've been having is rice porridge and honey lemon tea. I ended up writing this with a major head ache, so if there's anything wrong or confusing, just let me know! I _should_ be resting, but I can't help but do housework.
> 
> The title comes from "History" by This Wild Life. I hope this was alright, and I'll see y'all next time!


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